That’s exactly how one of my clients described the feeling he associates with his situation and the expectations he perceives a few days ago:
“It feels like an elephant is standing on my chest—and no matter what I do, the elephant won’t budge. The pressure just won’t go away.”
Many people describe this feeling of pressure when it comes to expectations—pressure, as well as feelings of anxiety, stress, and a constant inner demand to please those around them.
This “expectation elephant” appears when you have to tackle many challenges or tasks at once and don’t take enough time to question them.
Simple questions can help reduce the pressure in the heat of the moment and shift your focus back to yourself and your own needs. These might include the following questions:
❓Is it really my job to do this, or do I just think it is?
❓Is someone else explicitly asking me to do this?
❓Do I feel pressure because someone else isn’t saying or doing what I expect?
❓Am I afraid that I’ll be judged negatively if I don’t do it?
❓Do I have the courage to turn down the task? And if not, why not?
❓What’s the worst that could happen if I say no?
❓And is this “worst-case scenario” realistic, or do I simply lack the courage?
❓Am I just stuck in the habit of saying “yes”? If so, what do I need to be able to say “no”?
These questions relate to perceived (or explicit) expectations you are faced with. There are many expectations:
🌀Expectations you have of yourself—your standards for how you want to live (or feel you must live) and your determination to achieve something at all costs.
🌀Expectations you have of others. How these others should live, think, or act so that it works for you.
🌀Expectations that others have of you—in your personal life or at work. Are these expectations explicitly stated, or do they remain unspoken?
Expectations, then, are demands, ideas, and desires that you’re constantly confronted with from many different directions.
And if you want to deal with them differently, then START ASKING QUESTIONS—of yourself and of others!
🛑 Is that really true?
🛑 Do I really have to do this? And why?
🛑 Does the other person really see it that way, too?
🛑 Have I ever actually heard him/her say that—or am I just assuming it?
🛑 What am I so afraid of?
🛑 Fear of not being liked or accepted?
And once you know the answer, you can lift that heavy weight off your chest, face the situation with courage, and communicate it.
Bianca-Maria
And you’re welcome to book a no-obligation introductory session with me right away, and we’ll discuss how you can become more confident with yourself and others, work through all those expectations, and handle similar situations differently! I’d be more than happy to support you in this!